As one of the best agencies in Mumbai probing evidence of post marital affair for our clients, some of the cases that land up on my desk do not provide any evidence of any affair because the accused partner is indeed not having an affair. Most men and women who contact us are resorting to warning signs that tell them that not all is well in their love life? Perhaps your partner is being evasive or non attentive? Perhaps they are busier than normal and not available to go on dates if you are not yet married or come home early if you are? When you are with them, do you get the feeling they would rather be anywhere else? Before you panic there could be a million reasons why your partner has gone a little cold on you. He or she could be worried about their job, money or a health issue. They could have a friend going through a rough patch and be trying to help them. It doesn’t mean, necessarily, that they don’t love you or are having an affair.
Meet Up Like Friends To Talk & Discuss Your Life
This is where you need to communicate. Communication is one area that can be improved in almost all relationships.
They simply can’t or won’t talk to one another. The problem is that if you do not chat openly about your concerns or worries about your relationship, seeds of doubt are grown and suddenly these seeds become huge bushes. While they were seeds, they would have been relatively easy to work out but now they have grown out of proportion, they become a lot more difficult to deal with. If you suspect there is an issue in your partnership you need to deal with it as soon as possible. Ask your partner to meet you for a drink or a meal on neutral territory. If you have kids get someone to babysit as this is important. Meeting on neutral ground means you are more likely to have a reasonable discussion than a full blown argument.
Don’t attack him or her or accuse them of anything. Simply talk about how you are feeling in general terms trying very hard to keep any blame out of the equation. Give them a chance to talk and explain their feelings. Even if it is your relationship that needs rescuing, they may be very grateful that you have brought the issue out into the open. Most of the time secrets are not good for relationships. The people who have been together for forty years will tell you that it takes hard work, mutual trust and respect to keep love alive. By trying to keep the lines of communication open between you as a couple, you go some way towards developing the trust and respect that you need to survive. Stop second guessing yourself today and take some action. You and only you can resolve this and it won’t happen by putting your head in the sand. Only by taking action can you prevent the relationship from eroding beyond no-repair.
Electronic Communication Is Impersonal
We live in interesting times. With one click, you can communicate with anyone in the world. It’s easy, quick, and free. You even have options. If you don’t want to click, you could dial, beep, skype, ping or IM. It’s true. Your ability to communicate with the outside world has become increasingly easy. But my guess is that your ability to communicate with your spouse has become increasingly difficult.
The reason for this is that most people confuse INFORMATION communication with PERSONAL communication. Technological advancements give us all sorts of options to communicate information. But how do you feel the pulse of someone’s soul? How do you communicate the subtleties in your heart? You can’t text message that. You can have the latest and greatest in communication gadgets, but it won’t matter. PERSONAL communication is a whole different ball game. And it’s PERSONAL communication that determines the success or failure of your marriage.
I’m reminded of a scene from an American play. A man and woman happen to meet on a train and engage in polite conversation. They were both headed home to New York after a day in a nearby city. After further discussion, they learned that they were going to the same building on Fifth Avenue. Lo and behold they discovered that they had the same daughter and lived in the same apartment! They finally discovered that they were husband and wife! You know what’s killing marriages these days? This story though absurd and stretched to the limit really does contain a kernel of truth when it comes to modern marriages.
Do Not Use Email For Communicating With Your Partner
EMAIL! Husbands and wives are increasingly resorting to email to communicate with each other. You want to do something tangible TODAY to improve your marriage? STOP EMAILING YOUR SPOUSE! Email is for INFORMATION. But in a marriage you’ve got to HEAR each other. And I don’t mean hear the sounds of each others words. You’ve got to be able to hear the silence between the sounds and interpret the unspoken meaning of pressed lips or teary eyes.
You’ve got to be able to hear the shapes and sounds in each others heart. You can NOT accomplish this via email. Also let me be clear about something, you can’t do it with communication techniques either. There is no clinical communication therapy that a shrink or a psychotherapist or marriage counsellor that can help you and your spouse think each others thoughts, feel each other joy, and cringe from each others pain – If you’re like most people with marriage trouble, you’ve been down that path and you know that it does NOT work.
So what does this have to do with communication in a marriage? Because most people think that if spouses aren’t hearing each other that communication techniques will solve the problem. But that’s like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound. It’s the wrong solution. Communication techniques can help colleagues transmit INFORMATION clearly. Communication techniques belong in seminars that teach negotiation and sales. But you’re not trying to complete a transaction with your spouse, you’re trying to renew a relationship. I can almost guarantee you that your problem is not clarity, it’s concern. Ironically, communication techniques sometimes give people clarity that they don’t care what their spouse thinks or feels. They “got it,” but “it” doesn’t matter to them anymore.
How do you get back to the place where you and your spouse care again?… Listen carefully, Communication has very little to do with techniques or knowledge of each other. It has everything to do with the depth of connection between the communicators. The question you should be asking is NOT, “How do I communicate effectively with my spouse.” The question you should be asking is, “How do I connect with my spouse again?” Once you reconnect, you won’t be sitting in silence in the basement. You’ll hear the sound of the pipes from above. It’ll be your spouse. You were heard.
Amit Sen, a commercial pilot by training, has over 15 years experience in the space of corporate investigations, handling Copyright & Trademark infringement cases, Pre – employment verification Industrial Espionage investigations, Asset & Net – Worth assessment assignments and vendor / supplier verification cases, among others. Co-founder of Alliance One Detectives – which is the best cheating spouse investigation agency in Mumbai. Amit has also successfully completed corporate investigation assignments in a wide range of sectors, including the machine tools industry, pharmaceutical industry, hospitality sector, specialized equipment (Oil & natural gas sector, aviation industry etc.), telecom industry & the IT & ITes sectors. These cases have all involved both offline and online investigations.