Everyone knows that domestic incidences are highly volatile and they can change colours in a moment. Emotions run sky high and one’s loyalty towards another can switch sides without warning. Ask any policeman or law enforcement official and he / she will tell you lots of stories. About how he went to settle a dispute where the police was called, and how the spouse of the abuser being arrested attacked the policeman for arresting her abusive husband even though it was she who had called the police in the first place! Ask any lawyer which type of law is most likely to have the lawyer attacked, he / she will tell you that it is family law. People caught in the midst of a domestic problem are highly strung out and emotional. Whenever our agency takes on such cases, we are prepared for anything!
Infidelity is Hardwired Into Our Species
So is Intuition
As a race, Human beings like all other species on the planet have developed an incredible early warning system called ‘Intuition‘. Our brethren in the animal kingdom use it all the time we human tend to ignore that gut feel. Why? I have a feeling that it is so because we aren’t sure from where the feelings or suspicions arise. If there is no concrete evidence to back up those feelings, then people have a tendency to discount what they intuitively know to be true. But make no mistake, intuition is hardwired within us. And as victims or law enforcers, we all have to cultivate it and use it. Most law enforcement officials with some years of experience behind them will inform you that many victims reported some sort of early warning intuition that they failed to heed.
For example, without knowing that an attacker was inside her house, more than one woman has been reported to have said that her hair stood up on her neck and that she felt something was wrong when she was entering her house. Others have felt it when getting close to a soon-to-be attacker prior to an attack. These victims knew something was wrong but they ignored the signals from this ‘other’ sense because their physical senses did not pick up anything.
People who have been married for several years and more develop an intuition for smelling a rat! Many a client tells me that he remembered seeing his spouse not answer calls in his presence or hurriedly hanging up upon his approach in the room. They also remember long unexplained or poorly explained absences all of which were noticed but perfunctorily dismissed. Simultaneously, the wife was also pulling away and losing interest and on the other hand, some clients reported that the spouses were actually more attentive! Read a past article I wrote here about – 5 Signs that Your Spouse is Cheating on You.
The husband may have noticed that the wife’s appearance has changed. Maybe she has begun to resume working out at the gym, started to diet in a bid to lose weight or overdress for trips to the grocery store. The husband’s early warning system picks up these signals, but he ignores them at his own peril. Eventually things come to a head and the client contacts a private detective agency like ours because he realises that he wasnt imagining things and now wants confirmation and proof. He is in a terrible state and is naturally alternating between feelings of guilt because he does not want to think bad about his wife but at the same time he is also feeling hurt and anger at what he suspects is true.
By the time that someone discovers a lipstick smudge on a T shirt, a never-received jewelery item or lingerie charged on the credit card or has been told informed a well wisher that the spouse was spotted with someone else, infidelity or cheating is a probability. Most clients who come to us at this point are not asked to verify suspicions but rather move one step ahead and gather concrete evidence to settle once and for all whether the husband or wife is cheating on the partner. Even at this point, the investigation that I do does not aim to determine something but I try to keep an open mind and let the evidence take the case where it will.
Divorce & Infidelity Investigation – My Specialty
Divorce cases usually come to me from the public through referrals, from my website and other internet channels. They also come to me through lawyers, a large number of whom I am in touch with regularly. Lawyers in small firms do not have the space nor the wherewithal to keep private detectives on payroll and will outsource investigative work to detectives like me. If the lawyer contacts us, then he is our client. The complainant is his client. This dictum is the norm and everyone understands this from both sides so that everything including payment of fees is also clear. We have cultivated steady relationships with lawyers both small and big and we continue to receive a steady stream of cases from them. If you are a lawyer reading this, do feel free to contact me on my number (+919819580458) for referrals.
An agency hired by lawyers and private clients for investigation will be usually asked to provide proof that a spouse is cheating. Very often, the client or lawyer needs to prove that the target has been guilty of infidelity and is unfit to care for children or is in possession of hidden assets. Some private investigators or agencies will not touch such cases as it entails digging up a lot of dirt and they are not comfortable doing it. Yet others like me have made a career out of it. I believe that rolling up one’s sleeves and getting out there into the murky world is always so much more exciting than always remaining cooped inside a dingy cabin doing boring paper work! Not every case that I investigate ends in divorce though – sometimes people reconcile and make up. Many a times our client expresses the desire to make up and of course since they have confided so much me, a 5 minute phone call turns out to be a 1 hour sobathon! In the end, I have to explain to them that I am no counselor and refer them to trained counselors to sort out their matrimonial woes! I am only human – I have enough of my own to take care of you know!
What is India’s divorce rate?
Well, divorce statistics can be misleading. In Western countries especially the US it is around 40 %. So in India you can consider it to be between 15 – 25 %. Divorces in Urban centres like Mumbai and Bangalore can actually approach Western divorce rate figures though. And what is the defining evidence for the court to grant divorce? VIDEO! Video is the defining evidence in most cases because the evidence is on screen for all to see and most of the he said / she said arguments are eliminated! Do remember that the video recorded by detective agencies like us is not a nicely edited version with background music to boot! It is only raw footage or rushes as one would call it in the film and television industry. Any form of alteration or editing of video footage will not make the cut (pun intended) with the judicial system.
Of course, while it is indeed difficult to argue with video, some targets may say – “That looks like me but it is not!”. Well, this is the point where the lawyers who are handling the case come in to argue their client’s point of view. Our job as private detectives is to obtain corroborating information. Video can also contain interviews with witnesses. Interviewing bartenders, hotel managers, friends and co-workers strengthens the infidelity charges. Witness testimony is not easily obtained but it is worth seeking.
In most of the infidelity cases that I handle, where infidelity is proven through the photographic or video evidence that I have gathered, I usually encourage my client to contact a lawyer. I also ensure that the client understands that the evidence I am providing can create great emotional turmoil in one’s mind. People are known to kill spouses, spouses lovers and even themselves after viewing this information! I ensure that my client understands that any hasty reaction or revenge on the part of my client which is physically harmful to the cheating spouse can land him/her in jail or straight to the gallows! If on the other hand, suicidal thoughts or tendencies arise, I advise them to visit a counselor. At the end of the day, I believe that the universe and nature will take it’s course. I do my job hoping for the best for everyone involved. Burdening myself with what happens afterwards with a client can only be damaging to my own health and peace of mind!
Amit Sen is the founding partner of Alliance One – who are among the best infildety investigator in Mumbai specializing in providing thorough husband wife cheating investigations among other private and corporate investigation services. Amit is also a trained pilot and an aviator and likes to remain grounded on the days when he is not flying high!