So here’s the situation – You think your husband or your wife is cheating and despite some gentle snooping around, you still do not have any concrete proof that even in the least bit indicts your spouse of having an extra marital affair. Generally speaking you have two options open in front of you here – call off your own investigation or else dig deeper! The latter option comes with it’s own costs though both physical and literal. The big moral dilemma that you might face at this juncture is: Just how far do you snoop?
Would you like to hack into your husband or wife’s email, Whatsapp and facebook accounts? Though these are doable things, you must first grapple with your own feelings – how would you feel after doing that? Worse still if you found nothing and instead found out that your spouse was innocent! Even worse would be finding out that maybe your husband or wife was even more committed to you than you reckoned – maybe he / she was making plans for a surprise vacation or a surprise honeymoon! A good way to begin answering these questions is to put yourself into your partner’s shoes or high heels! How would you feel if your spouse began to look through your emails and private messages behind your back? Marriage is an institution which is based on the pillars of trust and openness. But yet – going through someone’s emails – married or not – still amounts to an invasion of privacy. If you do snoop and find nothing you might feel a tinge of reassurance and comfort. But then you now become the person in the relationship who has got something to hide! You will need to honestly ask yourself how you feel about this because once you do something, it cannot be undone!
The Battle To Find the Truth is Harder Than You Think
Also lets be very honest. Cheaters know how to cheat. The odds of finding incriminating evidence that proves your spouse’s infidelity is very low because most cheaters will know how to avoid being caught especially when it comes to basic communication mediums such as emails, sms’es, messaging apps, credit card charges etc. Because these are usually the first places that a suspicious spouse is likely to look, right? Did you think your spouse was that dumb? Another thing: If your spouse catches you snooping through their private messages, with no evidence in hand, you will end up looking like a paranoid freak. Remember: It is always the mistake or the slip-up that reveals dishonesty on the part of someone. If the cheater is really into the affair, he / she is likely to take the greatest amount of effort to cover his / her tracks with the utmost of care. We have all heard of extra marital affairs lasting for years now, haven’t we? Some chronic cheaters, especially those who have cheating since they were young starting with their teenage affairs have become extremely professional in covering up their tracks. The battle to uncover the truth may be harder than you think it is!
Hiring Private Detectives
The classic route to really get to the bottom of a supposedly cheating spouse is to hire a private detective like me! We of course, go through every case with clinical precision. We are thorough and professional and will be able to find a quick answer to your doubts. There is the cost of course. A single day of surveillance will cost you about Rs. 5,000/-. But the cost is definitely worth it because the evidence that we can procure (photographic / audio recordings / videographic / forensic) can be used as evidence in divorce proceedings thereby giving you an upper hand in winning the case in your favour in the eventuality of settlement claims that might arise. Let me also tell you that almost 95 % of our clients have had their suspicions confirmed with the help of our investigations. It is safe to say, that one usually hires a detective when they already know the truth but need hard evidence.
Cyber Snooping On Your Husband / Wife
Of course not everyone can afford a private detective like me or maybe you do not even need to hire me. You can dig deeper into your spouse’s private affairs yourself if you are really determined to go this route yourself. There is no law on this earth that can stop a righteous man or woman from snooping into the wife / husband’s private life! There are lots of legal computer programs available that will allow remote viewing of someone else’s computer. Key logger softwares can record all the key strokes on a computer even if they have been erased. If you or your husband are on the same phone plan, then you do not need to hire a detective to remove mobile phone call details. You can check phone records for at least the numbers called or text-ed.
There are also a great number of apps that you can download from the Apple or Google Play Stores for free or a very nominal amount that will help you to do all sorts of spying. Check out a past article I wrote here on – mobile phone spying apps. Or just go to the App store on your phone and type “spy on cheating spouse” and you will get tons of apps to download. Pick and choose the ones that you think you can start using.
If cyber snooping is something that you think you can implement yourself, then by all means go ahead but you will also need to figure out what you are going to do if you do find out something. Because chances are, that if you use these methods, you will find out something, even if it is something that you had not initially bargained for! Also do remember, that as much as you think you are prepared to find out the truth, trust me you are not! It can be physically crippling to find out that you are being betrayed. Infidelity is a betrayal of everything you hold sacred and true. And trust me, your emotions will be running the show and not your mind!
If you happen to find out that your spouse is cheating, you need to have your game plan figured out in advance. Or else, chances are you will be flying off the handle in a rage, act irrationally, and your emotions may even get the better of you and make you do something that you will later regret. Ok here’s a little story about one of our clients. I have lots of stories 😉 Of course no names will be mentioned here. And as much as I remember these stories, I also lament the loss of a relationship that was once meant to last forever!
A female client had her suspicions for a few months. She did not feel comfortable invading her husband’s privacy to confirm her suspicions. So she did not snoop through his phone or email messages. She also did not know the people that her husband worked with and even if she did, she would not have felt comfortable asking such questions because it went against her basic nature. So after speaking to her close female friend, she was preparing herself for a confrontation with the husband. In the meantime she also hired me to find out any evidence and try as I might, it was tough to find out anything about his supposed affair. But in the end, he was felled with a mistake – a condom wrapper left in the trash in the car when they had not used condoms for the longest time between them! A confrontation after finding that was of course inevitable!
Dealing With The Truth
Here’s one more thing: Coming face to face with the truth is like getting hit by a car or being punched in the gut! It is physically painful. Your ears will start ringing, your head will start pounding and your heart will start racing! Some of you may even hyperventilate and pass out! Your heart will start beating so fast that you will feel that it may jump out of your rib cage! You will have no idea of what to say or do next! You may even consider not accepting the truth so that life can go on the way it has been going on in the past – safe and secure. But as always, life is unpredictable and insecure and change is the only thing constant. If you respect yourself, you will accept the truth and you will confront your spouse about it and then after dealing with your own emotions, you will then take recourse to the next steps that may irrevocably lead you out of what could have been a rotten life full of stinking lies to a happier future with someone who deserves you more than the cheater you left behind!
Amit Sen is the founding partner of Alliance One – who are among the best private detective agencies in Mumbai specializing in providing thorough husband wife cheating investigations among other private and corporate investigation services. Amit is also a trained pilot and an aviator and likes to remain grounded on the days when he is not flying high!